Back to the Basics

“Anger is a feeling that tells you that you are hurt and you don’t want to be hurt. Something you don’t want is happening or something you do want is not happening.”

Anger is not rage, violence or abuse. Those are behaviors and as our definition says, anger is a feeling.

Another “basic” of ours that is often received with raised eyebrows is that anger is healthy, yes, healthy. It is the anger-related behaviors and language that are a problem and part of our teachings is to learn how to separate the anger feelings from the anger-related behavior.

Healthy anger is:

• Anger that you don’t react to.
• Anger you accept and use to empower yourself.
• Anger that tells you what is not OK for you.

I want to take this opportunity to broaden on another basic, the first bullet, healthy anger is “anger that you don’t react to.” To react is to act on a feeling without thinking and by doing that, you give away your power. “Giving away your power”, is another basic and one of my favorites. What do we mean by that? It is allowing another person or situation to control your emotions and your behavior.

A good example of that is road rage. Just imagine that you are driving along the highway listening to your favorite music and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a speeding car passes you and cuts you off. You hit the brakes to avoid crashing, feeling very endangered and at the same time infuriated by this anonymous driver’s behavior.

At this moment in time, in the course of a split second, you have a choice to make. Do you step on the gas as you curse him out, pass him and then cut him off while at the same time giving him the finger? Or do you separate your feelings from his behavior and after taking a deep, deep breath, let it go?

Let’s face it; you don’t know what is going on with this anonymous driver. Maybe his wife is in the back seat, about to give birth and he is rushing to the hospital. Or maybe he is just a “certified” jerk. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is what you choose to do. If your choice is to go after him, you are giving away your power to someone that in all probability you wouldn’t recognize even if he were standing in front of you. If your choice is to take that deep breath and let it go, you are the hero and have stayed in your power.

As I said in the beginning, this piece is about back to the basics and if you want to learn more, contact us at 816-753-5118 or info@anger.org. I’d love to share more information with you.