Accept – Interpret – Re-Direct


  • Accept the anger feelings in yourself and in others.
  • Validate the feelings.
  • Separate the feelings from the behavior. It is the anger related behavior, not the anger feeling, that presents the problem.
  • It’s OK to be angry.


  • Identify your signs and signals, Road, Body and Mind Signs
  • Listen to the message in the anger feelings
  • Ask “What is not OK.”
  • Ask “What do I want?”
  • Look at the wound and the loss, not at the symptoms


  • Stay in your power; don’t let your emotions control your behavior
  • De-escalation tools:
    • notice your signals
    •  back off
    • breathe
    •  ask what is not OK?
    • ask what do I want?
    •  accept that I only have control of myself, I have no control over anyone or anything else.
  • Effective communication skill:
    • validate the feelings, yours and others
    •  listen
    •  be empathetic
    •  identify and address the true need
    •  use “I” statements